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\"Not Okay, And That’s Okay\" is a raw and unfiltered journey through the hidden world of a teenager battling depression, self-doubt, and loneliness. Written as a diary, this book offers a vulnerable glimpse into the daily struggle of trying to keep it all together while feeling utterly lost. With each entry, the reader steps into the mind of a girl who’s tired of pretending everything is fine. Through her scribbled thoughts, quiet despair, and fleeting moments of hope, she learns that sometimes it’s okay to not be okay—and that taking it one day at a time is enough.

In her private reflections, she explores the pressure of expectations, the weight of silence, and the beauty of raw honesty. \"Not Okay, And That’s Okay\" is a powerful reminder that healing doesn’t come in perfect steps. It’s messy, complicated, and sometimes, it’s simply about showing up and surviving another day.

This book is for anyone who has ever felt invisible, for those who struggle in silence, and for those learning that their story matters—even when they feel unseen. This is a diary for the days no one sees, where brokenness is met with understanding, and the most honest parts of ourselves are finally given a voice.

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Silent Echoes: A Teen’s Diary

Day 1:

It feels like the world is just a little too loud today. Or maybe it’s me. I’m trying to drown out the noise in my head, but it's relentless. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I could just stop thinking. School was a blur today. Everyone else seems to be going through the motions, like it’s normal to be happy all the time. I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way again. My mom says I’m "just going through a phase." But she doesn’t get it. She wouldn’t. I want to scream at her. She wouldn’t understand. No one does.

Day 2:

I don’t know why I’m even trying anymore. Everything feels fake. School felt like a performance today. I went through the motions. Smiled when I was supposed to. Laughed when they laughed. But inside, it was all just static. I don’t think anyone sees me. I think I’ve disappeared in this place. I used to be someone. I used to want things. Now, I just want it all to stop.

Day 3:

I had another one of those nights where my brain wouldn’t shut up. I couldn’t sleep. Not even close. Just tossing and turning, trying to find a position where the weight in my chest would lift. I couldn’t find it. I felt like I was being suffocated by my own thoughts. The worst part? I didn’t even know why. It’s like my mind just gets stuck on these endless loops of nothing. I’m so tired. So, so tired.

Day 4:

I didn’t sleep last night. It’s like my brain won’t turn off. I’m just here. My mind doesn’t stop. The smallest things send me spiraling. I stared at the clock for hours, watching the numbers change, but it didn’t feel real. Is time supposed to feel like this? So slow and endless? Everyone else is asleep. It feels like I’m stuck in a world that’s running without me. I’m starting to think I’ll never be able to sleep again.

Day 5:

I think I’m breaking. I felt the cracks today. The little ones I try to ignore. I smiled at someone today, but it didn’t feel real. I said “Hi” to a girl in the hallway, and it felt like the words came from someone else. Like I wasn’t even there. It’s like I’ve become a ghost in my own life. I keep hoping I’ll wake up and feel normal again. But I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.

Day 6:

Today was... okay, I guess. Well, for a while. I went outside for a bit—just walked down the street by myself. The sun was too bright. Everything was too bright. But it was nice to not have anyone looking at me. I think I’m starting to forget what it feels like to feel normal. Maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s what life is now. But it’s still hard to ignore the emptiness. The weight in my chest. I wonder how much longer I can pretend.

Day 7:

I tried to be social today. I really did. At lunch, I sat with my friends. It wasn’t horrible. But I felt like I was watching myself from the outside. Like I wasn’t really there, just playing a part. The conversation felt like background noise. I couldn’t focus. Every word they said felt far away. I don’t know how to explain it, but it felt like I was trapped behind a glass wall. They didn’t notice. They never do.

Day 8:

I had a panic attack in class today. I don’t know how it started. One second, I was fine. The next, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like everything around me was closing in. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t. I just sat there, frozen. No one came over to ask if I was okay. They just... stared. It’s like I don’t exist in their world. Only when I make them uncomfortable do they notice me. I wish I could disappear.

Day 9:

I’m getting tired of pretending. Pretending I’m fine, pretending like it doesn’t hurt to breathe. I don’t know how much longer I can do it. It feels like I’m drowning in this quiet. I haven’t told anyone what’s really going on. I can’t. I’ve tried before. People just don’t get it. No one really wants to understand. They just tell me to “snap out of it,” like it’s that easy.

Day 10:

There was this one moment today when everything just felt... still. I don’t know how to explain it, but for a second, I almost felt like I could breathe again. Like there was a little bit of space between me and the crushing weight in my chest. It only lasted a moment. But it was there. I almost forgot how nice it is to feel... nothing. Or maybe it was peace. But then it was gone. Just like everything else.

Day 11:

I’m supposed to be happy. I’m supposed to be grateful. Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am. How good my life is. But if they only knew. If they could hear the things I think, the things that keep me up at night. If they could feel what it’s like to wake up and wish you didn’t. Maybe then they’d understand. But they won’t. They never do.

Day 12:

I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror today. I barely recognized myself. My face was pale, my eyes dull. I used to have spark in my eyes. What happened to that girl? She’s gone. My friends don’t even notice. I don’t think they care. I’ve stopped reaching out to them. It’s too exhausting pretending I’m okay. They wouldn’t understand. They never have.

Day 13:

The nights are the hardest. When it’s just me and my thoughts, there’s nowhere to hide. I can’t sleep. I can’t escape. The quiet makes everything worse. It’s like the darkness amplifies the noise in my head. It’s suffocating. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. I wish I could just close my eyes and not wake up. Not permanently. But just for a while. Just until the pain stops.

Day 14:

I can hear them whispering about me. I know they are. Maybe it’s because I don’t smile like everyone else. Maybe it’s because I don’t fit in. They don’t know how it feels to be trapped in your own head, to be scared of your own shadow. Sometimes I wish I could disappear completely. Just for a little while. Just until the noise stops.

Day 15:

I went to therapy today. It’s awkward. It’s always awkward. I don’t know how to talk about this. How do I explain what’s happening inside my head when I don’t even understand it myself? She said I need to “open up” more. But I don’t know how. What if she can’t help me? What if no one can?

Day 16:

I tried to talk to my mom about how I’ve been feeling. She says I’m “just stressed” and that “everyone goes through it.” I almost screamed. If one more person tells me that this is “just a phase,” I’ll lose it. She’s not really listening to me. She doesn’t see me. She doesn’t see how broken I feel. She doesn’t see how much I’m hurting. I wish she would. I wish she’d just hold me. But she doesn’t know how.

Day 17:

I don’t know if I can keep doing this. Pretending. Smiling. Laughing. I’m so tired. So, so tired. It feels like I’m running on empty. My body’s here, but my mind is somewhere far away. I’ve stopped caring about things that used to matter. It’s like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m just going through the motions. Just surviving.

Day 18:

I don’t want to be here anymore. Not in this place. Not in this body. Not with these thoughts. I keep wondering what it would be like if I just didn’t wake up tomorrow. Not permanently. Just... not dealing with this for a while. But then I think about Lucy. She’s the only one who seems to care. Maybe I should be grateful for that. Maybe I should be happy that she’s around.

Day 19:

*I spent most of the day alone. It was a relief. It’s not that I don’t like people. I just... I don’t know how to be around them. It’s like everything is too loud, too bright. And they want me to talk, to act normal. I can’t. I can’t pretend. I wish I could just escape. Just find a place where

Day 19:

I spent most of the day alone. It was a relief. It’s not that I don’t like people. I just... I don’t know how to be around them. It’s like everything is too loud, too bright. And they want me to talk, to act normal. I can’t. I can’t pretend. I wish I could just escape. Just find a place where I could be invisible. Where I wouldn’t have to feel like I’m always falling short of everyone’s expectations. Maybe that’s why I like being alone. It’s the only time I can breathe.

Day 20:

There was a letter from my English teacher today. She wrote that I’m “gifted” and “have potential” if I just “apply myself.” I want to throw it in the trash. What does she know? Does she even see me? Or am I just another kid in her class? She doesn’t know what it’s like to feel this empty. To wake up every day wishing you didn’t have to. I’m not sure I care about my future anymore. Maybe I don’t have one.

Day 21:

I haven’t been to school in a few days. My mom says I’m “faking it.” She thinks I’m just being lazy, but she doesn’t understand. It’s like every step I take is too heavy. Every sound too loud. It’s easier to stay home than to face the world and pretend to be okay. If I could just stay in bed forever, maybe I’d feel better. Maybe not, but at least I wouldn’t have to keep fighting this exhaustion. My body feels like it’s made of stone.

Day 22:

Lucy texted me today. She asked if I wanted to hang out. For once, someone wants to be around me. She’s not forcing it. She’s not pretending. It feels nice, but it’s also terrifying. What if she sees how messed up I am? What if she leaves? Maybe I’m not ready for someone to see all of me. But maybe, just maybe, I’ll go anyway. Maybe this time I won’t hide from her.

Day 23:

I went out with Lucy today. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t like the movies where everything feels like magic. But for the first time in a while, I felt like I wasn’t alone. We didn’t talk about anything deep. We just walked around the park, talking about random stuff. I didn’t feel like a burden. I didn’t feel like I was dragging someone down with me. I felt... normal. At least for a little while.

Day 24:

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Sells ebooks for adults and young adults . Delivering curious and funny finds Find what u like here.

Lamaryen Clark is a young adult ebook maker who writes stories rooted in emotion, transformation, and real-life intensity. Her work explores love, heartbreak, ambition, spirituality, and self-discovery—often blurring the line between chaos and growth. She believes stories should make readers feel something, whether that's comfort, excitement, motivation, or the courage to keep going.

Drawing inspiration from everyday experiences, inner struggles, and the beauty of becoming, Lamaryen creates characters who are flawed, bold, and deeply human. Her ebooks are known for their raw honesty, dramatic moments, and relatable themes that speak especially to young adults navigating identity, relationships, and purpose in an ever-changing world.

Lamaryen's writing style blends emotional depth with modern storytelling, making her books easy to connect with and hard to put down. She isn't afraid to explore vulnerability, passion, or personal truth, and she often uses storytelling as a mirror for readers who are learning to trust themselves, heal, or step into their power.

When she isn't writing, Lamaryen is constantly creating—developing new story ideas, experimenting with different genres, and finding inspiration in music, late-night thoughts, and the small moments that shape big emotions. Through her ebooks, she hopes to remind readers that growth isn't always pretty, love isn't always easy, and becoming yourself is the greatest story of all.

-A Younger publisher

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Not Okay, And That’s Okay

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